in which the war against bad parking becomes violent

I am the kind of person who shames bad parkers. Not directly, of course, because I’m not a fan of getting my ass kicked.

 But if I see you parked over two spots,

Via NL Parking Wars

 parked in a place that’s not a spot,

Via NL Parking Wars

or any other ridiculous thing,

This is completely legit, and happened at a grocery store near my house. (Via NL Parking Wars)

I am going to leave a nice little note on your windshield for you to find when you’re done being an entitled jerk (which will be right about the time you find my note and fill with embarrassed rage). I’m pretty sure that leaving a politely passive-aggressive note is the best way to fix this problem, because every time the offender pulls into a parking lot, that note will undoubtedly come to mind. So while muttering obscenities at me, they will park perfectly with the same attitude they would have if they were flipping me off.

You’re welcome.

So a couple of days ago, I was hunting for a parking spot at the mall, when I came to the end of a row. But I couldn’t see what was coming thanks to some SU-jeep thing that had parked on the hatched part next to the last spot. I had to creep at a snail’s pace to make sure I didn’t get mangled by something I couldn’t see. I found a parking space in the next row, so when I turned off my car I wrote one of my little notes. It politely pointed out that he wasn’t in a parking spot, and that he blocked the view of oncoming traffic. (It also may have involved the word jackass. Maybe.) I walked up to the vehicle and tried to discretely slip the note under the windshield wiper.

As I lift the arm, the wiper falls off.

After a brief moment of panic, I did what any sensible person would do; I laid the wiper back on the windshield, on top of the arm, with the note tucked neatly under it.

So now I’m a vandal, apparently. I mean, I realize that if the wiper blade just fell off the arm then it was probably already broken. But I would imagine that not only is that driver bitter at me for calling them out on their bullshit parking, but also super pissed that I dismantled their shabby wiper in the process, and is calling me things that would make vandal seem like a compliment.
The vehicle was gone when I left the mall that evening. My work here is done.


9 thoughts on “in which the war against bad parking becomes violent

  1. Jillian says:

    i have broken wipers several times. it's nbd- they kinda just pop back on… or they were already broken.

    also: HA.


  2. haha! I'm not a great parker, but I follow the rules. My favorite is when someone parks so close to me that I only have enough room to open my door A LITTLE, then shimmy my way into the car.


  3. Amanda says:

    I haaaaate when people do that!


  4. Amanda says:

    Good. If it just pops back on, then there's no reason for them to be mad at me! For the vandalism, at least. There's still the whole “jackass” thing, I guess.


  5. Funny. At my workplace they've gone with the Compact spots almost exclusively. Now normally these are difficult for the average car. But, in our case…well, let me put it this way…we have a few people who drive Mini's and they, honest to whatever god you believe in, cannot fit in the Compact space!

    End result: no one (and I do mean no one) uses the lines. We've all just said, “screw it”.

    A case where everyone rejects the man and it's worked out well. Except for that one guy who has to fit into a spot and therefore is 4 inches from your door and you can't get into the car except through the hatchback


  6. Pirate Alice says:

    I hate when people do that! My old car was so beat up and old, I'd SLAM my door open into their car in the hopes I'd dent or scratch their car in doing so. I didn't mind it at all if my car got hurt in the process, it was already messed up.


  7. I always park as far away from other cars as I can. People tend to open their doors into my car, but I never park odd or close to someone. That is a pet peeve of mine, too!


  8. Now see, to me, that's a nightmare scenario and why I don't leave notes – I couldn't handle the pressure of seemingly breaking the wiper. I'd have to also leave an apology note, and I don't have that much paper in my car.


  9. Amanda says:

    That's understandable, and it's certainly not a situation I ever thought I'd find myself in. But I'm just not comfortable with letting people think they can get away with parking where ever they feel like. If a person puts me at risk for a crash, I'm going to call them out on it for sure haha.


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